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Better Know a 2017 Opponent: UCLA

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Will Stanford ever lose to UCLA?

Stanford v UCLA Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

You may have missed this piece from Bruins Nation that was... gasp... attempting to talk trash about Stanford! It’s okay if you did miss it. I assume a lot of people did.

“Thank god Stanford fans don’t exist on the internet.”

Wow, what a burn. But it turns out you miscalculated: Stanford fans do read the internet! In fact, I’m pretty sure one of us invented it.

But if Bruins Nation wants to talk trash, we can talk it right back. In fact, let’s just start here:

And we can go on!

LAST YEAR

Did you know UCLA went 4-8 last year? Meanwhile, Stanford went 10-3 last year, believe it or not. UCLA won almost half as many games as Stanford! Yes, Josh Rosen was hurt, but the Bruins were 3-3 with Rosen... so it’s not like UCLA was winning consistently with the “Chosen One” behind center.

Added salt in the wounds for UCLA fans (whose only goal is to (be)at USC) was the fact that they got waxed by USC, too. The Bruins surely have almost no chance against the Trojans this fall, and Sam Darnold has already topped Josh Rosen as LA’s best college quarterback. Even the small number of UCLA fans that show up to the Rose Bowl can’t be pleased about that.

And I’m sure UCLA fans can’t stand that the Rose Bowl is just as much Stanford’s home as it is theirs. The flight time from Palo Alto to Pasadena is the same as the drive time from Westwood, and we all know who has had more success recently in Pasadena.

I guess we Stanford fans just get spoiled when we win the conference and Rose Bowl so frequently!

Side note: Did you know the last time UCLA actually won the Rose Bowl was in 1986? And that their last conference championship was in 1998?

The best highlight from UCLA football since that time may be when a fake ref ran onto the field while they were getting blown out.

COACHING MATCHUP

David Shaw has won 78.7 percent of his games as Stanford’s head coach. And he’s never lost to Jim Mora.

Seems to me like David Shaw’s favorite activity is winning.

So while UCLA fans might want to dig on David Shaw for his tendency to punt too often... didn’t you want your own head coach fired? The truth is, UCLA fans much rather see David Shaw dressed up in blue and gold than Jim Mora. (Or blue and black? Is that still his thing?)

At this moment, I just want to give a shoutout to Dan Guerrero for hiring and retaining Jim Mora in the first place. You know, the same AD who brought in Karl Dorrell and Rick Neuheisel. What hires!

Seems like UCLA is just one more flop season away from LaVar Ball being the next head coach. Big Baller Brand might make better uniforms than Under Armour, too.

UCLA PLAYERS

Did you know Josh Rosen described Stanford as his “dream school” but never got an offer to play on the Farm? What a shame. Guess he’ll never know what it’s like to beat USC! (Or win the conference.)

FEARLESS PREDICTION FOR 2017

Stanford should have no trouble beating UCLA for a tenth(!) straight time.

And maybe, just maybe, Bruins Nation will face the facts: Stanford is the better school and the better football program.

Don’t even try to roast us, Bruins Nation. Listen to take the advice of LA native Kendrick Lamar: Sit down. Be humble.