Sorry I didn't get this out last week. Stanford's lack of play last weekend had me completely forgetting about this. In any case, who's on top of the world and who's dwelling in the cellar this week?

COACHES
Wish I were him: ASU's Todd Graham
Glad I'm not him: Oregon's Mark Helfrich
Lucky guy: Cal's Sonny Dykes
Poor guy: UCLA's Jim Mora (for why, see here)
Desperately seeking a clue: OSU's Mike Riley
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Colorado's Mike MacIntyre
Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: USC's Lane Kiffin
Desperately seeking...anything: Utah's Kyle Whittingham

TEAMS
Thought you'd kick butt, you did: ASU
Thought you'd kick butt, you didn't: USC
Thought you'd get your butt kicked, you did: Vacant (!)
Thought you'd get your butt kicked, you didn't: WSU
Dang, they're good: Oregon
Dang, they're bad: USC
Did the season start? Stanford
Can the season end? USC
Can the season never end? Colorado

GAMES
Play this again: Portland State @ Cal
Never play this again: Sac State @ ASU
What? Utah 70, Utah State 7
Huh? ASU 55, Sac State 0
Are you kidding me? Cal 37, Portland State 30
Oh.My.God: WSU 10, USC 7
Told you so: Colorado 6, UCLA 45

NEXT WEEK:
Tickets to die for: Wisconsin @ ASU
Best non-Pac-12 vs. Pac-12 matchup: UCLA @ Nebraska
Best Pac-12 matchup: OSU @ Utah
Upset alert: UTSA @ Arizona
Must win: USC vs. Boston College
Offensive explosion: Washington @ Illinois
Defensive struggle: Tennessee @ Oregon
Great game no one is talking about: Fresno St. @ Colorado
Intriguing coaching matchup: Ohio State's Urban Meyer vs. Cal's Sonny Dykes
Who's bringing the body bags? Stanford @ Army
Why are they playing? Southern Utah @ WSU
Plenty of good seats remaining: UTSA @ Arizona
They shoot horses, don't they? Tennessee @ Oregon